I'm feeling terribly inspired.

But I can't wait for the computer to turn on, the documents to open, the screen to load, the words to flow off of my fingers onto the keyboard. I feel the thoughts buzzing around in my mind, waiting to escape, and they flow too fast for my fingers to record, they are too many to caputre in just one sentence. They are multifaceted, like light rays, and they cannot be fully captured in words. Or if I tried, we would be here forever, and you and I both would be quite confused.

So here I sit, under wooden archways of the Hall of Arts and Letters, writing this instead of writing a paper. I saved the paper under the title "Coffee Beans," because it's about literary cafes in Paris. And I'm so excited to write this paper. So beyond excited. But so many other things capture my time, and then I am left writing a slipshod paper of haphazard thoughts, connected by weak transitions. However, college is the time to work all of that out. On two hours of sleep and cups and cups of coffee, we work things out. It might be a little unhealthy, but 3am, c'est la belle heure.

Speaking of French, I am in deep deep like with Proust. I had no time to read A la Recherche du Temps Perdu, but after discussing it in class, I will surely be reading it over this break. The whole world in one cup of tea? mmm sounds like my sort of writer. There is just no time to think through things, to let them sink deeply into my mind. Life is a blur, wizzing faster than I can comprehend it, and everything blends together in one array of information. Too much information, if you ask me. Quality over quantity screams stronger than a schmorgasborg of half-truths.

And that is all. My thoughts are still flowing but I'll save them for the Literary Cafes of Paris. Thursday, Friday, and then Turkey, and family and friends, and although I hate wishing time away, I just can't wait. <3

this little town.

Does Democracy make citizens more complacent because they trust the elected to do the work for them?

I think maybe so.

Also, I have a sudden interest in linguistics and this dude. It was kind of an ephiphany sort of day.

I feel like my life is a movie

and this is life.

the leaves are gorgeous and the music was good.

a tin pitcher, an iron chest, a drawer with unevenly spaced knobs, a tiny globe, a soft blanket. sweet texts.

we sat down on a bench to eat delicious bagels, people watched, and enjoyed eachother. We rode home, pinky linked at Friendship Way, ate some chocolate and now we're napping. These are beautiful, wonderful girls. We talked about the homeless and why they are in the cities and not the suburbs. We took some pictures on the stoop. We spooned a little & Katie & Tina taught me how to be less awkward with touch. These 3 are the best friends in the entire world, my absolute favorites. And we're so different but we fit so perfectly.

I want to live a simple life.

Dreams: Work an art show, yoga instruct, own a boutique, own a coffeeshop. Order a 'regular.' Hair dress. Travel extensively. Write a book. Mentor someone, be hospitable. host a foreign exchange student. Run a marathon. Learn to knit. Garden.

God is good. This is LIFE.

I have a crush on this library and I don't care who knows it

Trinity College Library, Dublin

it's nerdy and magnificent and it was love at first sight.

when the colors fade to gray.

I'm learning something great this summer. It's something learned out of lazy days, the savory kind of days that are spent slowly and deeply. So much of the time I'm balancing, juggling, & constantly moving. Then when I have time, I still layer it with activity instead of engaging fully in one present and pure task. I'm arguing for that purity of task--with people, with studies, with life and the way life is spent. Instead of collecting links in my browser, I want to read fully the one illuminated before me. Instead of collecting friends on the internet, I need to learn who people are and what they believe in. I need to intertwine our stories in memory.

There are certain people that God places in our lives, and though they are different, they become a part of us. They shape us and inspire us and stretch us and paint beautiful smiles across our faces. They're that beautiful balance of give and take. They're the clearest picture of love that I know in my young mind. They're the knowledge that we are not alone in this great unknown. In this shadowy journey to the future, all we have to do is what we love, without hesitation, and God will bless that richly. He already has; I can see it in the faces of the ones that I love.

I made a list today. Important People is its title. I hate exclusive lists like this, but if a girl wants to love deeply she can't spread herself too thin. Even Jesus had 12. My list is small, but abundantly brimming with gems, memories, laughter, and peace. I want to pour into these people as much as they have poured into me. I want to recriprocate the freedom that they've given me to grow into a better person.

To be present.

To be there.

To care.

To share (Ideas, happenings, not just tangible presents).

It took me a while, but I'm finally learning how to give more from the heart. It's okay to open up. It's okay to be vulnerable and real and it's okay to place my heart on the page. Even if my heart seems as black and bitter-tasting as the coffee at the bottom of the pot, I'm still putting myself out there because it's what's real at my core. The important people might sweeten it up a bit along the way, and I'm okay with that.

let the colors fade to gray like a sunset on a warm summer night, when the light is just right and the water splashes tips so white. our toes sink into the sand and our hair feels the breeze and our hearts are full and our minds are stretching. our hands are ready for the doing, our selves are ready for the moving, for the changing and we are saying hello to this great wide world, hello, we're ready and we're waiting for our chance to better this beautiful, marvelous, glorious mess of a place.

thank you.